Many assume that diplomacy is nothing than just faking. Well, why wouldn’t they – it is partly true. Because you have to smile and act politely when you feel like punching people.
Three “W” questions will be discussed here:
- What is diplomacy?
- Ways of nailing it.
- Why do you need it anyway?
What is diplomacy?
As mentioned, diplomacy is a sophisticated social technique, often performed by diplomats and even ordinary people. That is my interpretation; I haven’t looked up on google or any web search yet. However, it is a general definition, surely interpretation varies with the speaker.
Diplomacy is one’s decisions based on rules. Diplomats do what they need to do in order to achieve their goals. It is common knowledge that diplomats participate in events and foundations even when they’re ill or are not even in mood. Diplomacy is all about etiquette, all about overcoming obstacles to get what is needed.
So some say that diplomacy is being fake. That diplomats have no personality as they are only allowed to do what the regularities and etiquette allows. Well, sure, that’s their job. The goal of diplomacy is to reach compromise by satisfying both sides. Usually diplomacy achieves a contract by negotiation between two representatives. Sometimes it’s just a simple handshake between big people. Also, as I see it, diplomacy is being polite to people that hate your guts, however, many seem to forget about this issue for some reason.
*You want the best example? Easy – high school! It is true what they say – for some people high school is a living hell. Like, for me. I have to wear a diplomatic fake face all the time, and not because I hate school, god no, I love studying and teachers adore me. But the bitches, oh, the bitches! They rule this tiny facility called high school just because they hooked up with a jock or because they have a rich daddy. Or a rich mommy. They throw adult parties, hire strippers, buy alcohol and – voila – they are the top dogs. Tough life.
So I hear constant comments from bitches like that. They say I’m freaking fake. Well why wouldn’t I? I am a polite person, plus, I don’t need any smudge on my school record, I still want to get into a university, you know. I want a job, and unlike those pretty faces I will be making money with my brain, not by swinging on a dancing pole on a panel. So I stay away from detentions. They, the bitches, are blessed that I wear a fake diplomat face – or else, I’d punch them in their pretty faces, like, a zillion years ago.
Oh, I’m sorry, off-topic. So you see, that’s diplomacy. Satisfying people, reaching a compromise, hiding your true-self.
Ways of nailing it.
Well, firstly, there are three main goals in diplomacy which are:
- Anger management or any emotions management in general
- Not giving a direct answer
- Persuasion
So let’s start with anger management.
How on earth can you wear a cold-stone face if you are furious? Well, I’ll try to give common advices:
- For god sake, THINK. ALWAYS THINK. Before you say anything, before you do anything, before you pull the trigger on your Kalashnikov machine gun – THINK. It helps occasionally.
- If you are short-tempered and you can not think properly at moments like that, take a deep, deep breath. As deep as you can. DEEPER. Then imagine something that soothes you. Usually when people lose their temper, they imagine ripping heads or limbs of their opponents. Do not imagine that. Do NOT imagine THAT. You’ll lose control, and that wouldn’t be pretty.
* So, instead of imagining violent pictures, imagine something cool. More of a mafia scene, you know? I usually imagine me sitting in an expensive leather couch with a huge scotch bottle, dressed up really fancy in fur or leather, giving this “ala Don Corleone” kind of glare. And your hatred nemesis crying under your feet, begging for forgiveness.
- I’m not going to advise something like “Let it go… He/She’s not worth it… Revenge is for weak people”. We’re humans, we get angry, it’s a natural thing. But remember, think about consequences. Violence won’t get you anywhere.
- Think about the future. You can’t get angry with people all the time, can you? When you get a job in the future or you a get an annoying co-worker – you can’t just get revenge or anything that silly. All that crap above is high school fun. If you lose temper at work – you lose your salary. We can’t let THAT happen. So learn how to swallow your wrath. And then, when you get home, you can shout at a pillow or listen to music.
* I once got so mad at my teacher, every time I saw his back I just wanted to lift a chair and knock him out. Instead I ripped a blanket and yelled at my mom when I got home. Ok, yelling at my mom wasn’t the wisest solution. But ripping the blanket did.
All I mentioned above – it was anger management, it is a part of being a diplomat, but it is not all. Here are other things you should know:
- If you want to be diplomatic – never give a straight answer. Never show your emotions. Don’t say “no”, say “maybe, I’ll think about, thank you so much for your offer”. Never say “yes”, say “I think this dress gives you certain curves but it certainly doesn’t make you fat”. And so on.
- Try to be psychological. Pay attention to one’s body language, gestures, face mimics. Always guess what the person in front of you thinks. Try reading his mind, stepping into his shoes, then you will be more compassionate thus your anger management will improve as well.
*I like writing so I’ve been practicing this for a really long time. Every time I meet someone new, I try to figure out their story, their life and then eventually it became a skill of mine. And it’s really helpful.
- If you give an ambiguous answer, try to make it as polite as possible. Do not use sarcasm – it gives negative impact. Try to be nice and say laconic answers – long answers annoy people.
And last but not least – persuasion. In my opinion, this is the hardest part. Because not only you have to step in your partner’s shoes, you also have to know how to negotiate, how to manipulate people for your own good. I can give few tips but of course, if you have the talent, you will instinctively do well.
- Always know what to say at the right time. Always observe people body language so it will be easier to choose what to say at the moment. If your partner is not feeling the best then try talking about something else first and then delicately speak up about the thing you want to negotiate about.
- Always speak delicately. Don’t be too stubborn or sharp, try to give both disadvantages and advantages of your issue so it wouldn’t sound like you’re bragging or bargaining. However, in order to persuade try to pick bigger advantages so they’ll cover the weak sides.
- Always be skeptic. You have to pay attention to every single thing you hear – there might be an invisible angle hidden. If you notice one – try to understand your partner’s goal, what does he want exactly.
- If you notice the tension growing between you two – try to cool it down immediately. Try to make your partner feel comfortable and calm; if he’s angry, talk about other things and then accurately get back on the subject.
- Do not show any attitude. Be charismatic, so people feel that you’re reliable and trustworthy. Do not lose your temper even when you feel that your partner is too stubborn.
- Try to understand why the person disagrees with you. If you find it reasonable then try to make a compromise to satisfy you both.
- Give strong arguments but DO NOT ARGUE. Just give strong facts and proof but do not give them as you’re trying to defeat or attack them. It will pressure them and instead of making a good decision they’ll just back up.
- Also know how to give up – if your persuasion takes too long, it will turn into whining and your partner will find it annoying and boring.
Why do you need it anyway?
Why does anybody need diplomacy?
Some people like being different, expressing themselves and their points of view so they don’t find diplomacy important. Well, diplomacy in fact is crucial. Everybody needs it.
If you want people to respect you then you need to respect them as well. Diplomacy is a healthy way of finding a compromise. You will bump into various individuals on your life path and you can’t always express your opinion. Sometimes you have to know how to extract good things from both your and other people opinion. Diplomacy can make you understanding, wise and intellectual. Diplomacy can get you the ability to see a situation from all angles thus you will be able to get as much as benefits as possible. If you are a good diplomat, you will easily know what’s on other people’s mind and heart and that will help you make right decisions.
And who wouldn’t want that?
